Commuter Mom: Allowance

I was at the store with Commuter Girl the other day when she pointed to a stuffed animal and said she needed it. I told her no, and asked her if she had any money to buy it. She looked at me and said, “Mama, I need some cash.” She’s 2 ½! We were out running errands and I told her that one of our stops was the bank. We drove through the ATM (by the way, whoever thought of drive through ATMs is a genius) and she asked if we were at the piggy bank.

I want Commuter Girl to understand that we work hard to earn our money and that she can’t have everything she wants. I want her to realize that sometimes you have to wait and save money before you can buy something really special. She can’t just walk into Gymboree and buy the sunglasses she wants, or the kayak she was eyeing at LL Bean – ok, maybe that involved a little encouragement from Commuter Dad. So, when can I start her on an allowance? How do I start to educate my 2 ½ year old about finances?

Commuter Mom: Peer Pressure

I am beside myself. My sweet cuddly little girl is turning into a bully. Last week she kicked another child off of the climber. Yesterday I came home and found out she was hitting her friends at school. Her teachers wouldn’t tell us who it was, but of course Commuter Girl told us within 30 seconds…it was one of her best friends! At least twice a week her teacher is telling us that she has had to be removed from activities for misbehaving. At home, we try to talk about why hitting and kicking are wrong; we talk about using words and not hands. But, does a 2 ½-year-old really understand that?

I’m sure this is all common toddler behavior, but I just don’t know how to handle it. Her teachers have asked us how we address the hitting at home. We don’t. She doesn’t hit at home. Am I just making excuses by assuming that some of this is due to the influence of the other children at school? She wasn’t afraid of “monsters” until a few of the other children started talking about it in her class. Would she be misbehaving as much if I stayed home with her rather than going to work?!? Is she just bored?!

Commuter Mom: Lesson Learned

Lately, it has become fairly common for Commuter Girl to act out. She’s hit the “terrible twos” and is testing her limits like a pro. We recently had to end our outside play time when she ran away from Mommy – she ran down the street. Last week she went to school with one pigtail and lots of tears. I’m kicking myself for not getting a picture of it, but I was way too frazzled from the heated debate to think to get out the camera.

The other day Commuter Dad reprimanded Commuter Girl while we were in the car, I don’t even remember what she had done. He said something I didn’t agree with and I turned to him and said “Don’t say that to her.” I’m sure you can finish the story…Commuter Girl looked at him and said “Daddy, don’t say that to me.” Oops. The real parenting test has begun – we have to be a team and it’s even harder now to hide the minor disagreements when there is a toddler watching. I have to come to terms with the fact that I may not always agree with how or what Commuter Dad does. But, I have to trust that he has everyone’s best interest in mind, he is a smart man, a wonderful Daddy…and, sad but true, not everything has to be done MY way.

Modern Mom: Sisterly Love

Modern Mom has big news — we’ve adopted another baby. Our latest addition is the happiest child I’ve ever met. He smiles easily and broadly, lighting up the room and warming my heart. But I’m afraid all that’s about to change.

My three-month idyll has come to a close, and it’s time to go back to work. That means baby will join his big sister at child care, which is a fabulous turn of events for her but not so much for him. In fact, his first day there he was inconsolable. The source of his angst? Not separation anxiety or fear of strangers. It was, in fact, watching another baby receive a bottle when it wasn’t my baby’s time to eat. Apparently, he’s a social eater (I don’t wonder where that came from!), and he just didn’t think it was fair that someone else could indulge if he couldn’t. So he cried and cried and the teachers couldn’t calm him down. Then help arrived in the form of my 3-year-old. Someone had the wonderful idea to bring her in from the preschool room. As soon as he saw her, he scurried right over and lay in her lap. (An interesting visual since despite the two year age difference he’s quite a bit bigger than she is.) If I couldn’t be there to soothe his soul and wipe his tears, I’m so glad my daughter could be. It gives me a huge sense of relief to know that they’re together each day…for the good times and the bad.

Guest Mom - Bitter, Sweet

Like most moms, I believe I have an incredible daughter but have found juggling motherhood and working full-time to be very challenging. With my chatty 15 month old and a career I love, it’s hard to find a balance.

My daughter is in the process of transitioning into the toddler room. It’s definitely bittersweet. She needs to move up. She’s been bored lately in the infant program. In fact, her teachers think she’s eating all the time because she’s bored. Ugh!

I love her infant teachers and I’m sure the toddler teachers will be fabulous too. The bitterness comes from realizing that my daughter is growing up so quickly as I’m driving home from work, writing this in my mind. I love being a working mom. I really do. But it’s times like these when I hate it, when I feel like I’m missing out on so much, missing out on my daughter’s life. The school does a great job of keeping me informed of her daily happenings. In fact, today I brought a picture into work of my daughter that I received from the school yesterday. She was walking down the hall from the infant room to the toddler room — like such a big girl. I kept looking at it though, holding back the tears.

For our family, working allows us to live a fairly free lifestyle. We eat out when we want, we buy what we want (within reason of course), we vacation where we want, we rarely stress about money, and most importantly, we are constantly saving for the future — college AND retirement. The other plus is that my daughter is in a fantastic program. She is learning so much — so much more than I think I could ever teach her. She’s exposed to educational experiences that I know I would struggle to come up with if I were a stay-at-home mom. Knowing that is bitter. I look forward to the weekends where we can play, cuddle, giggle, and of course when I can receive unlimited kisses. Regardless of where she spends her weekdays, I believe she still thinks I’m the best storyteller, maker of animal sounds, person to squeeze inside a giant box with, peek-a-boo player, chef, fort maker, playmate, entertainer, and so on. Knowing that is sweet.

CommuterMom: Dating

I love play dates. I love watching CommuterGirl interact and play with friends. I love not having to entertain her. I love getting out of the house and checking out someone else’s toys. I love the opportunity to chit-chat with other parents.

But, as I was at a play date the other day it dawned on me that the concept is kind of odd. It’s one thing to go to our family friend’s house, or the house of someone from my mom’s group I went to when CommuterGirl was a newborn. I know those families; I have relationships with those mothers. But, a few weeks ago we had our first school-friend play date. I don’t know the mom other than to say hello as we are both juggling morning drop-off. I went to a stranger’s house and drank coffee and ate blueberry muffins while the girls played. It’s kind of strange when you think about it. But, we all had fun. The mother was very nice and CommuterGirl had a ball.

I’m looking forward to the next date.

ModernMom: How Busy is Too Busy?

Here’s the dilemma as I see it: my children are in school all week, highly programmed from dawn to dusk. It seems to me that weekends ought to provide a respite from the rigorous structure of the school week. The kids want to spend two hours building a fort (which they’ll undoubtedly knock down in 2 minutes)? So be it. If they want to take a detour from our walk to sit and watch the ants scurrying in and out of their ant hole for 15 minutes, who am I to stand in their way?

And yet, I have friends whose kids play soccer and take swimming classes on the weekend. One friend sends her daughter to hip-hop class and another’s 3-year-old is taking violin lessons. I want my kids to know how to swim and play soccer, too. Violin and hip hop…why not? I know that these kinds of activities help build self esteem, teamwork skills, and healthy habits, not to mention the friendships they encourage and the talents they uncover.

I just don’t want my kids to feel like they’re constantly being pulled this way and that. I want them to have time to smell the roses (and not just when they’re running to get an out-of-bounds soccer ball). I want them to be able to use their imaginations to come up with their own activities and diversions, to be able to take it easy some of the time. Are those desires mutually exclusive from a weekend packed with extracurriculars? What’s the right balance?