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I am a working mom of two children who keep me busy all the time. If we can hire people to baby proof our homes, teach us how to breastfeed, and cook meals for us, how come I could not hire someone to help my daughter to learn to ride her bike without training wheels? I tried. I offered our next door neighbor who is fifteen the chance to earn some money and she turned me down. So it was up to my husband, my daughter, and I to figure this out. Although she is now the resident “expert” on our block, this accomplishment did not come easy. It has been a labor of love, tears, scrapes, sore backs, discouragement, and dare I say, yelling.
It all started last spring when we had the brilliant idea that she was ready and we removed her training wheels. (Sounds a bit like throwing away all your pacifiers only to have to make a midnight run to the store.) I was advised to just “go cold turkey” and she would be fine. This is where it all went wrong. She refused to ride her bike and for the few fleeting moments that we could get her to give it a try, she ended up in tears and discouraged. So the bike sat in the garage for the next year, until this weekend. On Sunday my daughter awoke asking to ride her bike. We quickly got outside while the moment was right. For the next hour or so she got no more than two feet and she would stop. Her fear of falling was getting the best of her. But just when I thought the bike was on its way back to the garage, she did it.
As I watched with tears in my eyes, I knew we were witnessing another important milestone in her life. First rolling over, crawling, walking, and now riding a “2-wheeler.” Now that she is a pro, we are all considering getting bikes so we can ride as a family. What a great way to exercise and spend time together.
This morning I woke up to a rhythmic song on my alarm clock…or so I thought. It didn’t seem like it could possibly be 6:00 already, and when I blearily checked out the time I discovered that I actually had another hour to sleep. But the music kept me awake and I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. Had I left the TV on? Did one of the kids turn on the stereo? When the music coughed, I realized that the noise was actually coming from my 3-year-old daughter, who was camped out in her sleeping bag at the end of our bed. And so it begins. When my son was 3, and even for a while when he was 4, he came into our room most nights and slept on the floor. At first we’d get up and bring him back to his bedroom. But after several round trips each night and not much sleep for anyone, we figured it was easier simply to let him stay. Eventually he grew out of it, and his night-time visits stopped. I want to teach my children to spend the whole night in their own room. I want them to get used to comforting themselves when they wake up in the middle of the night. But I also really want to sleep. Should I nip the “family bedroom” in the bud or just take on a “the more the merrier” attitude?
A recent study just came out about babies and sleep and guess what? The more sleep your baby gets, the better. And guess what else? If your child doesn’t get enough sleep, they may have problems associated with sleep deprivation, such as higher anxiety levels, stress, and depression. Well, knock me over with a feather. It couldn’t possibly be that children who are already disposed to anxiety, stress, and depression subsequently have trouble sleeping, could it? The study seems to ignore this possibility and many other life factors that may contribute to sleep problems. But, what really bothered me about the study — or perhaps more accurately, the news reports about the study — is that it vilifies parents who comfort their children to sleep and do anything more than put their baby in a crib at 5 months old and just walk away.
Admittedly, my skepticism about the study was fueled by a sound bite from an expert on ABC World News’ coverage of the study who said, “The problem begins when parents hug and rock their babies to sleep.” In the word’s of another ABC News reporter, John Stossel, “Give Me a Break!” I’m all for getting your baby to sleep through the night, and for getting her to be able to comfort herself to sleep on her own. In fact, I’m very proud of the fact that we’ve gotten New Girl to sleep through the night, and we suffered the difficult sleep training it took to do it. As for falling asleep on her own, that happened much more gradually. I LOVED hugging her and rocking her to sleep, and so did she. But it took months of gradual steps at a much older age before we were both ready to give it up. I know that sleep is good for babies and the ability to self soothe is an important skill for all children. I’m not sure any of us need a major research study to teach us that. But what I’m sure we don’t need is another group of researchers offering a one-size-fits-all solution, packaged to maximize headlines, without regard for the added anxiety, stress, and more sleepless nights they’ve heaped upon millions of loving, caring parents who do the most natural thing in the world when they hug and rock their babies to sleep.
We’ve been going through teething hell, and I have a dilemma I’d love some input on – so I’m looking forward to lots of comments from all you lurkers out there. New Girl has been teething in the fiercest way. On Monday night, she did not sleep at all. She has been completely unable to eat anything (including bottles) other than a little applesauce and Pedialyte. She doesn’t have a fever, but is totally cranky and very uncomfortable. Her gums have even been bleeding. To the extent she’ll let me peek, I see at least four teeth coming in at once.
We’ve tried absolutely everything to provide relief, including Motrin, Tylenol, Orajel, cucumbers, frozen wet washcloths, teething rings, and everything else you can think of. Some of it works for a bit, but there still hasn’t been a great solution. On the peek day of this teething problem, there was no question I had to stay home with New Girl. There was no way she could have participated at the center. But day two is where my question comes. I had a lot of important work to get done and was facing major deadlines at the office. New Girl was much improved from the day before, but still refusing to eat anything other than applesauce. She had no fever but was still quite cranky. I thought she might enjoy the distractions that the center provides, but worried that she might also need more one-on-one attention. My question is simple. What would you do? Would you send her to child care or not?
Two weeks after NewGirl was born, I was already back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Now before those of you struggling with those last five pounds get out your daggers, listen to this. Now, several months later, I am back UP to my peek pregnancy weight — and then some. Admittedly, maintaining a healthy weight has never been my strong suit, but lately I’ve been wondering why I don’t even have a desire to try, and after much self examination, I think I have the answer. I think eating what tastes good and is convenient is the simplest self-indulgence I have. Everything else takes time. It takes time to cook, bake, knit, scrapbook, shop, exercise, get a pedicure, read, go to the movies, and all the other things people like to do for themselves. It takes about 2 seconds to reach for a bag of M&Ms or grab a cookie from the platter in the office kitchen. And the small slice of time I have in the morning and early evening with my daughter between bedtime and work is too precious. I won’t give that up. The same goes for the weekends. So all that remains is the time after NewGirl goes to bed (don’t even talk to me about getting up at 5:00 a.m. for a jog — I admire the women who do, but it will never be my shtick). And in that time, I’m making and eating dinner with NewDad, preparing NewGirl’s bottles and food for “school,” doing laundry, cleaning up, or running to the grocery store or pharmacy for some last minute forgotten item. I know every working mom, especially new moms, face this same dilemma, and yet when I drop NewGirl off and pick her up at the center, it is crystal clear that one way or another, all the other moms have got this weight issue licked. Meanwhile, all I’ve licked is that spoonful of Ben and Jerry’s.
I read this article on Washington Post.com by a stay-at-home Dad blogger wondering how to define “sick” . Is a baby who throws up once, but has no fever and is otherwise in good spirits, too sick to go to child care? As the mom of a child with a very easy propensity to throw up — the GI specialist said the mere act of pulling herself up to stand could cause my daughter to throw up because of the pressure it causes on the abdominal muscles — I’ve wondered the same thing a lot lately. NewGirl was sent home “sick” several weeks ago after she threw up at the center, but she was her happy, pleasant, and cheerful self once we got home. I’ve missed a lot of work this winter as NewGirl — along with her Dad — has had one illness after another. I was so frustrated to be forced into yet another day off, and this time I just didn’t feel she needed to be home.
It left me wondering if I needed to talk with the child care center director about just what it takes to send home a “sick child.” I actually had that meeting scheduled, when NewGirl came down with a certifiable stomach bug — an entire week of throwing up, diaper changes, and often clothing changes several times an hour, and endless desperate attempts to get her to drink even just a little Pedialyte®. As each day passed, I crossed my fingers that she’d keep food down and be ready to go to school the next day. And then, just as it seemed she was ready, she lost her lunch in the produce aisle at the grocery store, followed the next day by an accident in the car. I’ve got some new empathy for those teachers trying to decide who’s well enough to stay at school and who isn’t. I don’t think I’ll reschedule my meeting.
Who would have thought I’d be able to tell what kind of day my daughter has had in child care in two seconds flat just by looking through the window? It has nothing to do with smiles or tears, shouts or laughter. She’ll have plenty of all of those on good days and bad ones. No — for my reflux-prone baby, it’s all about the clothes. On the rare occasion she’s in the same outfit at the end of the day that she was when I dropped her off, I consider it an unmitigated success. I know it sounds lame, but it really makes a difference. I’ve seen the mom of another spitter in the class with the same gleeful grin when she greets her son on the days he’s still sporting his morning wardrobe. I’ve been so excited to see the season’s worth of class pictures they post on Snapfish, only to be a little crestfallen because NewGirl is wearing a protective bib in almost every one of them. Of course, I’ve endured my share of spit-upon clothes myself. It never fails, of course, that NewGirl shares her spit-up with me just as I give her that one last kiss — just as I’ve let down my guard, and I’ve run clear out of time to do anything about it before my first meeting of the day. Just today, a friend suggested I try Burp Armor. They’re heavy duty burp clothes designed by a Dad. They seem a little pricey, but if they save on my dry cleaning bills, it may be worth it. Plus, their Web site says they give 5 percent of thier sales to Children’s Hospital Boston. That’s definitely a cause I can support.
Like most toddlers, CommuterGirl’s diet consists of mac-n-cheese, chicken fingers, waffles, plain turkey meatballs, yogurt, and any fruit she can get her hands on. We try hard to buy all-natural or organic versions of those foods so that at least she is getting healthy chicken fingers…but there is no variety in her diet. And no, she won’t eat sandwiches. I recently bought Deceptively Delicious. For those of you who don’t know, the idea behind the recipes is to cook and puree vegetables and “hide” them in the foods your child loves. For example, add spinach into your brownies, cauliflower to your mac-n-cheese. Great idea…but who has time to cook and puree all those vegetables, let alone cook the mac-n-cheese and brownies from scratch every night? Is it really worth the small amount of veggies it will add to her diet? I did have a great discovery over the weekend. I was making green juice and CommuterGirl was watching. The carrot juice spitting out of the juicer caught her eye and she was intrigued. She wanted to try some of Mommy’s juice…she drank a whole glass. I may be on to something, green juice for both of us. CommuterGirl’s Green Juice
1 apple
½ cucumber
2 - 3 handfuls spinach
1 carrot
1 stalk celery
½ peeled lemon
½ inch peeled ginger
First I want to thank everyone who left their comments on my original Tummy Trouble posting. I also wanted to provide an update. We’ve seen the pediatric GI and found out in about two seconds that NewGirl is allergic to milk and has an intolerance to soy (a common combo). It’s not lactose intolerance, but an allergy to the proteins in milk. The test was incredibly simple. The implications were complicated, but not unmanageable She has to be on a prescription formula because even the hypoallergenic stuff contains some milk proteins. Thank goodness our insurance company is paying for the formula, because the cost of this stuff is unbelievable. (It works out to over $8,000/year!!!) We’re still in the process of transitioning NewGirl to the new formula, and the doctor says it may take as much as three weeks after she’s fully transitioned before she’s completely healed, and she’ll have to delay starting solids for quite some time. But, I’m looking forward to a day in the near future that she’s not in pain from her feedings. I’ve decided to delay my return to work and her introduction to child care for a couple of weeks so that we can know the new formula is doing its job. While NewGirl should outgrow this, I know there’s a long process ahead of us when she does start solids, and there’s a process of educating the center and her teachers about the special care they’ll need to take to keep her from another child’s food, but I see the light at the end of this tunnel, and I feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders — and NewGirl’s tummy.
I remember being really tired when I was pregnant, I was tired when CommuterGirl was an infant and I was nursing every three hours at night. But, I’ve gotten used to getting a full night’s sleep and having an hour or two to myself while she naps in the afternoon. I guess I shouldn’t have gotten too comfortable. CommuterGirl is on week three of a napping strike. Not a seven-day-a-week strike, just on the weekends. She has decided that if she is going to sleep in the afternoon it will only be in the car. How convenient!! She seems to go down for her nap at school without a fuss. Is it because all of her friends are napping too? I tried pretending I was asleep, and I told her daddy and the dog were both napping — didn’t work. Is it because she sleeps on a mat at school rather than in her crib? I tried putting a blanket on the floor with no luck. Who wants to stay home all day with a toddler who hasn’t napped? Not me. So each day we have headed out to run errands or go to the park; two miles from our house CommuterGirl is happily asleep in her car seat. The only problem now, I can’t stop the car or she’ll wake up.
NewGirl is wonderful, happy, and peaceful, except for every two to three hours when she has to eat. She’s a spitter — a huge spitter, and she clearly has something wrong with her stomach. Almost every single bottle is a struggle. She’s now on her second medicine and third formula — from regular to soy to hypoallergenic, but nothing seems to help for more than a couple of days at a time. We have an appointment with a gastroenterologist next week, and hopefully we’ll get some answers. She’s gaining weight well, but she’s just so clearly in distress when she eats, yet even the pediatrician says it isn’t colic. While we still have more than a month before I’m due back at work, I’m a nervous wreck about the prospect of putting her in a group care setting if her feeding issues aren’t resolved. I’ve talked to the center about it, and they assure me that they’re accustomed to new babies needing a lot of extra attention for a variety of issues when they first start. But at the same time I can’t help believing that they don’t understand just how tough her feedings are. I’d love any thoughts from anyone who has gone through something similar and how they dealt with the feeding issues in child care.
On Saturday morning CommuterGirl sounded like she was starting to get a cold. We gave her some juice, made sure she got a good nap, and crossed our fingers. Sunday morning she seemed ok, but by lunch she was a mess. She had a mild fever, her nose was runny, and she had started to cough and sneeze.
We called the pediatrician. With all the news lately about cold medicine recalls we knew our options were limited. We got the standard answer – its probably a virus, you’ll just need to give it time to run its course. Give it time?!?! Here’s what happens at Dr. Brewer's House (Wall Street Journal).
The next challenge on Sunday: figure out how we were going to cover Monday – CommuterGirl was going to have to stay home from child care. Oh, and now CommuterDad says he’s starting to feel sick. Welcome to the cold and flu season.
There’s one question I struggle with each and every day. It’s not “what should I wear,” though it was for many years. It’s not which route will have the least traffic or did I remember to turn off the stove, or why is my computer so slow. The question that constantly plagues me is what can I put together for dinner? Yes, that’s right, “put together.” I’m past worrying about what I can “cook,” as anything that involves oven time is reserved for holidays, birthdays, and the occasional dinner party.
When I get home from work, my kids are famished, I’m exhausted, and the last thing I want to do is spend time fussing in the kitchen. I prefer to use my last burst of energy for playing. Friends have suggested that I cook several meals on Sunday to use throughout the week. Every six months or so I get motivated and cook a lasagna that gets lost in the freezer until the next time I get motivated. The kids would be perfectly happy to have micro waved mac-n-cheese every night – and frankly so would I. But no matter how I dress it up, the June Cleaver in me tells me that mac-n-cheese for the fourth night in a row simply won’t do.
So I wonder: Can we can have breakfast for dinner, is tomato sauce a vegetable, and will my kids be permanently scarred if they come to believe that dinner comes from the pizza delivery man?
My son woke up with a cough today. You know what that means…mass panic and mild hysteria as my husband and I tried to assess how serious the symptoms were, whether he really needed to stay home, which one of us had a busier workday, whether the ear thermometer was accurate, and which one of the four thermometer readings we should believe. By all accounts, his temperature was under the 100 degree cut off, so we decided to bundle him up and bring him to school.
I spent the entire commute feeling horribly guilty and like a terrible mother. Shouldn’t I have stayed home so he could rest on the couch while I cooked chicken soup? And if I’d stayed home might we have prevented an even worse cough or cold from developing? Was my daughter going to catch it?
Well, by the time I found a parking space, booted up my computer, and grabbed my first cup of caffeine, the child care center called to say I should come get my son. “He’s not feeling well,” they said. “He really needs to be home.” Two hours later he was planted firmly on the couch while I was in the kitchen heating up some Campbells.
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